THAT person in front of you at the grocery store

I'm writing this, lying in bed, alone. Skyler is gone for a couple days shooting in Toronto and I'm all alone! It's weird, but nice? Not in the way that I don't want him here because I obviously do but I kind of got to bask in a weird selfishly silent night, drinking wine and filtered water.

I went to the grocery store, which by the way I really need to learn to use a cart because I'm so that girl who is all like "yah I'll grab a basket because it will entice me to buy less" NOPE. I end up cramming as much as possible into that basket that by the time I'm out of the produce section I'm almost done my daily arm workout. Apples and avocados are surprisingly dense when bought in large quantities. So there I am struggling with my overflowing basket, I decided to forgo almond milk and the frozen section on account of weight issues. The basket was a bending.

I did however score a Brita water filter with 2 extra filters (I had to add that in because those guys are like 10$ a pop on their own) for 7.99. Like what! Sign said 17.99, I remembered this at the cash because I said to myself while debating "Omg 17.99, that's like so much better than 21.99(the orig price), doing it." So when it scanned at some ludicrous price of 22.99, I took a deep breath and pulled my first Mom moment. Being a cashier for over 1/5th of my life (I'm not proud of it, but hey I gained A LOT of grocery store street cred, like I know the deals guys) I knew that when an item scanned wrong, the customer either gets it free or a percentage off. I even lifted up that magnet chain to from a closed cash register to walk to that aisle number 4 and check it myself, and then awkwardly do it again to show the manager. I could feel dude with the beard behind me grinding his teeth with anger because he was going to miss ctv news or a weather update. Anyways I got back to that cash, and it was like so busy, for some reason whenever the work day comes to an end everyone decides to hit up metro but seriously I do this once every blue moon I swear to god this is what some people do everyday, like STOP, grocery shopping is not a hobby. Or they're all rich, I can totally understand this if I was rich I'd probably be there everyday too.

So ya, cute cashier girl was super nice, I saw myself in her when I was that awkward 17 year old cashier, loving when a customer so gracefully completed a Price Check. I was SO excited I felt like I was on Extreme Couponing, minus the coupons, and 100 lbs. That 10 dollars totally made up for my bottle of organic cabernet I bought earlier that day on my lunch, a pit stop after my co-worker and I hit up Starbucks for lunch - grande mocha light frappucino with soymilk EW OMG I'm totally not that girl, but I haven't drank real milk in like forever so I get to be that girl on account of potential lactose intolerance. So maybe that 10 dollars didn't make up for much but I still saved and took part in an adult milestone - being THAT person in front of you at the grocery store. I also get to enjoy filtered water which I just realized is a really popular well known fact that it's way better for you than tap water? I used to drink tap water by the boatload but then it started to smell like eggs sometimes which really scared me so now I guess I'm bff with Brita, because 24 water bottle packs are just out of the question,  they would just never fit in my basket. ;)

Obviously texted my mom about it.. she called soon after.

the twenty-something funk

“There’s this inescapable moment in your early 20s, no matter how you get there, of feeling like everything you’ve known up until then is either wrong or doesn’t fit… and suddenly you’re faced with this feeling of `Who the (heck) am I? How do I do life? HOW is life DONE?’”

—	Zosia Mamet

Now if you guys haven't watched Girls yet, I obviously suggest that you do because it really truthfully depicts how crazy and unpredictable life in your twenties really is. I have yet to admit to myself I am in a sort of funk because I don't believe I am. Do I get anxious thinking about whether or not I am on the right path in life? Of course. A lot. Probably too much. But I'm happy. Like most of the time I'm awfully happy, but then I can get equally melancholy. Like I'm mourning for something that doesn't exist or hasn't come yet. 

Being a twenty-something in this technology driven world is a blessing and a curse. I've lost all comprehension of the feeling of waiting. I get annoyed when I see the spinning wheel (team macbook) of death on my computer for more than 3 seconds. When I'm designing I expect every idea to come to me so fast that I miss out on the idea that maybe I don't have to rush. Maybe sitting down with my pencil and sketchbook is better than my bamboo tablet and illustrator file entitled Sketchbook.ai. 

There's a special relationship between a pencil and I, one that can't be explained only drawn. And it's a good relationship but one that you tend to forget about really easily because you really have to give all of your time to it, and forget about the computer, or internet, or twitter, or netflix, or instagram, or k yah you get it. And with this highly delayed blog post which I've been delaying until I felt passionate about something to write, comes so much relief. Relief that my soul still exists outside of a tweet or a like or a double tap. And yes, this is being typed my computer but since I have started writing I haven't checked my phone, and like I was going to write this out on paper? Let's be real I'm not envious of Mad Men for their letters, typewriters and telegrams. But more the value placed on real pencil to paper work, person to person talking and the idea of waiting.